In case you haven't noticed, the fat people are melting!

I just thought I'd paraphrase from Mathew Perry's character in Fool's Rush In; it perfectly summarizes our last few days out of doors here in Guangzhou. Today we hit up the Guangzhou Botanical Gardens and the Chen Family Academy/Temple under an overcast sky and 175% humidity. I woke up, looked out the window and immediately began to sweat from every pore. The sweating continued through the morning and the amazing Cantonese lunch we had at a local restaurant (no AC). It was one of those hole-in-the-wall, locals only kind of places and we were the only westerners in there - all 25 of us. We are quite a sight for these Cantonese folks, a whole parade of sweaty white people with their Chinese babies.

Our guide told us that June and July were the real hot months and that we were lucky we weren't here then. She then said that it was "stuffy and humid" in those months - implying that it was not stuffy and humid now. Yeah right! I said Africa hot a few days ago but this is something all it's own - this is Asia hot - tropical face-melting hot. And all the smoking does not help - as if breathing weren't hard enough already, everybody smokes EVERYWHERE. Non-smoking sections of restaurants are normally five tables in the corner right next to the 30 tables full of smoking men. You know when you are in a restaurant and get that whiff of smoke and you do the quick look around to figure out where the smoke is coming from? Well, I find myself doing that about 40 times a meal - it's reflex, even when I know every male within 50 feet of me is puffing away.

Tyson continues to be a challenge and a blessing. He is really doing quite well considering his whole world is upside-down and his mama and baba keep talking to him in a strange language and get mad when he doesn't do as he's told. But then again he knows he isn't supposed to stand up on the chair at meals - and yet he does it about 70 times in a singe meal. We tell him to sit in English and Mandarin, shove him back down and two seconds later he is up, turning around or trying to vault over the rails. Everyone else here has a little one that they can pick up, bundle up in a papoose or in a stroller and scoot around from place to place. Tyson insists on walking everywhere on his own - which is great in certain ways. No one is asking us if his legs are broken because he won't use them - ehem Lydia - but he walks SO SLOW. Meanders really. There is no straight line with this kid. It's like herding a cat. We just sort of aim him in the right direction and block him from walking into traffic. If he wants to go someplace we are hard pressed to get him to go a different direction. He will tug and tug and pout and scream something that sounds like "eschwela!" - but no one, including our guides, know what it means. They suppose it's something in the Chongqing dialect that Beijingers don't know. I know what it means though - it means "Stupid Americans, let go of me!"

We've been trying to discipline him by withholding the things he loves for a short period of time when he acts up. We can't beat him since we signed a paper from the agency saying we would never use corporal punishment. Anyhow, what else do you do when your four year old sits down in the street in front of an oncoming bus b/c he's being a brat and doesn't want to do whatever you are telling him to do? I mean after you drag him to safety by any means necessary? The instinct is a hiney swat, right? Makes sense to me. Oh well. The other way we punish him is to make him sit in my lap with my arms around him - from his reaction it is pure, bamboo under the finernails torture! Two minutes of that and he is a blubbering, repentant mess - at least for the next 5 minutes. Then he forgets we have the ability to make him miserable and he acts up again. The good side is that I am getting lots of lap time with my son - bad side is that we are conditioning him to view daddy time as punishment. Uh, can we rethink the corporal punishment thing again? Just Kidding! (in case anyone from the agency is reading this) Hehe...

So, tomorrow our guides are going to the US Consulate on our behalf, so one of us needs to stay in the room from 1030am till noon. I think the women want to go back to Shamain Island to do more bargaining for more stuff. Since there is a 50lbs weight limit on the bags instead of a 44lbs and we can check in two bags instead of just one, well, all bets are off and the ladies have been shopping freaks. Melissa loves the bargaining but even she admits that it takes FOREVER to get anything done. It can take an hour to make it through a tiny little, hole-in-the-wall shop full of nick-knacks. Meanwhile I'm using every move in my arsenal to keep a 4 year old entertained - and barring that, just to keep him from running into traffic or from stealing a knock-off Tellatubby or from trying on every pink thing in a store. I swear that kid was subjected to too much estrogen for four years and I have a lot of testosterone reprogramming to do. We are working on high five and knuckles - bro moves, you know. He's not catching on - we need Sawyer Coates to show him what's what. Instead, he refuses to wear the boxer briefs we got him - likes the tightey whiteys and the girls underwear he was wearing the day we got him from the orphanage. Ugh. Mental forehead slap! I thought I had him with Kung Fu Panda - but he lost interest pretty quick. Another mental forehead slap! We'll continue to work on that.

Speaking of which, KFP is my current favorite movie out there right now. It's got everything a good movie needs: animals dressed as humans, sweet fight scenes, no love story whatsoever, a good life lesson, a great bad guy, plenty of kung fu and the wushu finger hold. The only thing it's missing is snipers, but it does have crossbows which is almost as good. And ninjas, it's missing ninjas but that would be just plain silly since ninjas are Japanese not Chinese. Duh. Anyhow, it's destined to be a classic. To all my male friends, it's a must for your DVD collection. Best line: in response to the question "how can we ever repay you for this?" Po the Panda replies, "There is no charge, for awesomeness!" And that about sums up how I'm feeling about the little guy - he's full of awesomeness - and even though we were charged a lot for him - he's worth every yuan - er penny.

So that will have to be all for today. Tonight we are going on a dinner cruise down the Pearl River to see the Guangzhou skyline at night. It's going to be just the 4 of us as all the other families weren't interested in going. Anything to keep little dude entertained. And speaking of food, remind me to tell you about what wimpy eaters we have in our group. Not an adventurous one amongst them - well maybe a few - but mostly soft American stomachs with no spirit for food! We are definitely the "live to eat" crowd in our group!

Until next post, blog you later...